


At the Age of 22

by kunehonim



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, BaekYeol - Freeform, ChanBaek - Freeform, Drama, Fluff, M/M, Romance, TaoRis - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-15
Updated: 2014-03-15
Packaged: 2018-04-30 08:02:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5156306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kunehonim/pseuds/kunehonim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As a child, Chanyeol declared Baekhyun as his. He's 22 now. Does he still want Baekhyun?</p>
            </blockquote>





	At the Age of 22

**Author's Note:**

> please excuse this sorry plot for a fic ; u ; i tried my hardest. (reposted fic; check date of publish~)

Baekhyun was a little star. With shiny brown hair that settled neatly on his small head, cheeks a little puffed and aegyo brimming out of his very existence, he was the main attraction at the daycare center. Parents often stayed-- well, they had to since they had their own kids to tend to-- but really, sometimes Baekhyun finds himself cornered to a wall with all the mommies looking down at him. He found them creepy most of the time and annoying because they kept pinching his cheeks.  
Who could avoid such a thing? Baekhyun was a ball of fluff as a child, and no one dared to let him off their sights once they notice him. Rumor has it that he was probably the son of a big-time super star... They thought stuff and stuff and more useless stuff. Well not really useless-- His big brother is actually the celebrity Kris Wu, his step brother.

  
Baekhyun's mother died when she gave birth to him. He didn't really know much since he was simply a child who barely knew what came after the number 5.  
It was at the age of 4 when Baekhyun vividly recalled how his father came home with a woman and a boy who was older than him. And that was the first day he met Kris, his step-brother at the age of 14.

  
It turned out that his big brother was actually a celebrity. He was well-known but Baekhyun didn't care because he was too busy oozing with adoration for the older boy. In no time, little Baekhyun had himself wrapped around his hyung's long legs, filling their proceeding mornings with smiles as they got to know each other more and more.

 

Most of the time, Baekhyun was left alone. He was left alone at home and all he could do was reach for the prepared meals that the maid who came on scheduled hours left at the dining table-- sometimes the counter which Baekhyun could barely reach how much he hates it when it happens, his brother volunteered to take him along anywhere he went, but their parents knew that it was just Kris being too fond of him. And as if it was completely right on time, an opening of a new daycare center caught their parents' attention, and soon, Baekhyun found himself there.

  
Baekhyun didn't like the daycare center. One, for the fact that it was noisy-- Too much kids were crying their lungs out as if it was the end of the world; two, they were all strangers. Baekhyun preferred seeing the maid at random times compared to this-- and three, he was terrified of the daycare center teacher that welcomed him.

  
“Hello, you must be Baekhyun.”

  
His small head snapped, looking for the voice that called him-- but then he noticed the scary-looking person's shoulder shaking and just as he did think about it, the person was giggling, “He's adorable.”

  
“Thank you.” He heard his brother speak behind him.

  
Baekhyun still didn't like him-- Well, when he noticed that the soft voice came from this person, it decreased a little bit-- but not the fact that he looked scary. He's scary, Baekhyun declared in his head.

  
Little Baekhyun was lost in his own little world thinking of how this person was going to punish him if he does something wrong, but as quick as the weird images that he came up with, he felt his big brother's hands to his shoulders, slightly pushing him towards the teacher.

  
“Say hello to him, Baek.” He heard him whisper against his ears.

 

Maybe Kris already noticed that he didn't want to be there, and at times, Kris would encourage him to face what he felt different about-- just like this one. So gulping down, he raised his head slightly to meet the person's eyes. He was stuck staring at the skin that carressed the latter's eyes though-- and Baekhyun thought again, maybe the teacher is tired. He shook his little head and focused, looking at the man that sat to match his line of sight. He puffed a huge amount of air as he felt his heart pound.

  
“H-helloeee...” He stuttered, quickly covering his lips and tears pooling out of his eyes as he felt ashamed of his failure. He turned around and locked himself against his big brother's chest, letting out a whimper.

  
“Baek--” But he continued to cry silently, shaking his head as he clenched his little hands onto his brother's shirt. He felt light taps on his back, and soon enough it was joined by another hand making him jump cutely.

  
“You did good, Baekhyunnie.” And as a little child that he was, he removed himself from his brother, his lips shaking as he let out a smile with an effort, trails of tears still obvious on his white skin. It was a push for Baekhyun whenever Kris called him that, it was a magic word for him and because of it, he frequented the daycare center-- slash that-- he became a regular at the daycare center.

 

A few days, Tao would be there, and other times, his father would be the one handling the front. Baekhyun noticed that the scary teacher wasn't actually a teacher in the daycare center-- he was in fact, the son of the owner. It also happened that the brunet saw that Tao and his hyung almost had the same height-- again, thoughts of a child, he came to the conclusion that they were simply the same age.

  
Baekhyun started to love staying at the daycare center. Back then, he thought all the kids were noisy-- because he was used to the silence that he was always left with-- now he was basically the leader of the noise. Baekhyun made a lot of friends there, and one of the friends that he grew attached to was a boy from China named Han.

  
They started with a fight, how they argued about who had browner hair. Baekhyun of course, declared that his hair was more brown compared to Han's. He ended up pulling a strand out of the other's hair for comparison, but mistaking it as a spark of hate, his own hair was pulled by a handful. Baekhyun found it weird that the other boy was crying instead-- Why would he cry when he only took a strand of hair? Baekhyun thought he should be the one crying since it was his hair that was pulled harshly. Tao came to them quickly and Baekhuyn knew Han was going to be lectured on, so instead of letting their teacher take the other, he took him for a hug and explained that Han was crying for him and apologizing.

  
That was simply how they became the best of friends. Baekhyun gave Han the permission to calling him Baekhyunnie, the nickname that only his precious brother called him with-- and along with that was his own made up gibberish of calling Han Hannie to match his nickname.

  
Han and Baekhyun became a tandem, and around that time, a new kid came in and they both dubbed him as big guyyy Park. The duo couldn't believe that they were older compared to the new boy, and of course, they kept their distance, most of the time spending the day with each other.

 

A few more months pass and Baekhyun was completely out of his shell. He made more friends, and he befriended some of the mommies that he used to hate. Tao became attached to him, sometimes he would overhear Tao joke around with his big brother asking if he could stay the night with Tao-- which of course, his hyung turns down every single time.

  
He had a conversation once with big guyyy Park, well; it wasn't a conversation because Baekhyun was only throwing him questions that were left unanswered. Maybe big guyyy Park knew that he and Han planned to stay away from him.

 

During an activity, the parents and guardians were all invited to the daycare to hear their little ones talk about their dreams and wants for themselves in the future. Others introduced drawings, sang a song, and read a poem.

  
Baekhyun was exempted though, because his parents were busy on a business trip and his hyung was on a schedule. He was already aware of how his family was busy by then, so Baekhyun was on his best behavior.

 

When the event ended, the other children left with their parents. Baekhyun on the other hand was roaming around the room, looking for things to do. He found Tao fixing bed sheets and blankets so he walked his little way up to the taller person, tugging onto his pants to call his attention.

  
“Baekhyun...” Tao looked down to him, still holding a blanket up.

  
“Zizi--” He smiled, “Can I help youu?”

  
“Of course.”

  
Baekhyun watched as Tao put the blankets down. He took a handful of the ones that were already folded, and Baekhyun was instructed to match the blankets to their pillows and carry them to the open closet at the lower left at the corner of the room. Baekhyun happily obliged and hummed his merry little way doing the said task. He started to do these things when Kris got late to taking him home. And he loved how Tao would pat his head in appreciation for it. Baekhyun wasn't alone at the other room before he left though. Big guyyy Park was there, but the boy was just staring at him. The small brunette found it weird that the tall boy kept staring at him because in the first place, he was the one ignoring him every time he tried to start talking to him. So he left the other one alone, and like always, opted to help around the Daycare.

 

It was almost 9:30PM when they finished fixing things up. Baekhyun told Tao that big guyyy Park was still at the other room. Baekhyun sat on the floor and started humming to himself while he took his id lace and fumbled it with his tiny hands. Swaying his head to the tune that escaped his pouty lips he snapped his neck to find Tao walking to him with a cup of chocolate and marshmallows on a small plate.

  
“Here's a treat for you, Baekhyun.”

  
“Thank youuu!” He giggled.

  
And then he chomped down mercilessly on the fluffy little things, smudging his puffy cheeks with the dirt that he donned after eating them. Tao cleaned him up with a towel, but then he remembered the event earlier that morning and thought that he wanted to have someone to share his plans too.

  
“Ziziii...” He called the teacher. “

  
“Ask me too? Ask me? Ask me what I wanna be when I grow uppp?” He said playfully.

  
“Alright.” Tao says, “What do you want to be when you grow up, Baekhyun?”

  
Baekhyun was too fascinated as Tao asked him. He may have been the one that requested for the question to be asked, but he just felt so elated that he finally has a chance to say anything that he wanted. And of course, what else would brush through his little mind when someone asked him about his future? It would always have something that involved his beloved hyung. Baekhyun sat with his feet crossed, head looking at Tao with a smile that could almost cut in for creepy, Tao was focused on him likewise, and they found themselves deaf as faint footsteps came sounding in and settling by the entrance of the room.

  
“Bride!” He squealed, “I'm going to be Kris hyung's bride!”

  
Before his teacher could react, he heard someone from behind him, his smile still kept and if possible, would have gone wider as he recognized his favorite person in the world, “Hyung! Hyung!” He squealed another time, standing up and running to the taller man with his arms wide open ready to launch himself up.  
“So you want to be my bride, huh?”

  
Chuckling, Kris takes him up to his arms and easily carries him. Little Baekhyun swayed his head as he looked at his hyung and then proceeded to nuzzle his head to the elder's neck. He missed his brother. He missed Kris because the latter told him they were supposed to go to the airport together to see their parents off but it had to be put off because of Kris' sudden need to leave for an emergency shooting. But then again, the thoughts of a child-- Baekhyun could only let himself think about that stuff if he were older. He was tired from fixing the blankets and carrying the pillows, sometimes having to kick the cushions into the closet to fit in, not minding the time that his teacher Tao went through. He wanted to sleep and he had to do it soon.

 

Baekhyun's only goal was to stay still in his hyung's arms-- he wanted to drift off to the happy place that he calls his other world-- until he felt someone pulling onto his leg. Baekhyun didn't like it-- Annoying, he thought. He forgot that aside from him, there was another kid in the daycare center that had to be taken home too-- His leg was being kept by the hand, and Baekhyun tried to kick it away, not mattering to him of who it was.

  
“Heeey!” He whined dramatically, turning his head to find big guyyy Park staring up at him with a creased forehead.

  
Baekhyun was planning to cling and ask for help from his brother, but he guessed that he was never able to bring up big guyyy Park that Kris thought they were friends. Eventually, Kris put him down back to the floor. He wanted to be carried back up but then the other boy who was earlier on, pulling on his leg, startled the two elders when he headed for Kris and pushed him away. Baekhyun was shocked too when he saw it all happen in front of him.

  
“Chanyeol!” Tao hissed at big guyyy Park.

  
So he does have a name, Baekhyun thought.

  
“It's okay, Tao.”

  
Before Baekhyun could defend his hyung, before he could offer Chanyeol to Tao for a lecturing, he found big guyyy Park standing in front of him, shielding him away from his hyung, arms spread across. Baekhyun wanted to slap the boy's arms away and ask for his hyung to carry him again, but then for the first time, for the first time ever since he met big guyyy Park, Baekhyun heard his voice and found his innocent self with a gaping mouth.

  
“Baekhyun's not going to be your wife! He's mine!” He declared.

 

It was 12 years ago when that happened; when Baekhyun was claimed by Chanyeol. So far, the boy was still living up to it. In fact, after daycare and the small period of time that Baekhyun was home-schooled, he bumped onto him at the school he was enrolled into. Chanyeol remembered him and from then on, kept following him wherever he went. Chanyeol proved himself different from when he was a kid. He grew up to be a blabber mouth and a laughing stock-- he laughed even at the times that Baekhyun would almost slip while walking and just like that, Chanyeol became a shadow that was taller than its owner.

 

Chanyeol was literally rooted to Baekhyun, everywhere he went, the boy was right behind him. Friendship with other students didn't make it into his first year of school, because Chanyeol was the only one there. And to Baekhyun, he figured that maybe he wasn't good of a conversationist that people avoided him. Just that was once during his stroll at the mall, he noticed that Chanyeol was following him and glaring at people that tried to know him, basically that added up and gave him the idea why he stayed only with Chanyeol...

 

First off, when they met again, Chanyeol never uttered anything to him properly. It was all 'good morning's, or 'hello's. Not that he was hoping for Chanyeol to remember that he declared him as his just because he still remembers it like yesterday, but somewhere in the utmost hidden corner of his heart, Baekhyun was hoping to hear Chanyeol say it again. That he belonged to the happy virus that he's grown up to be known as.

 

Baekhyun celebrated his 18th birthday, along with the years that happened was him finally breaking that invisible barrier that screamed be careful with Chanyeol.  
Baekhyun found himself left behind physically as he witnessed the younger's growth spurt-- dammit, the boy grows inches every passing day. Sure, he could still recall that Chanyeol was already taller than him even way back, but heck this one was different. Even his voice deepened in no time while Baekhyun's stayed the same.

 

It was when they entered their last year of high school-- it was then that it had finally sunk to Baekhyun. It wasn't going to be like before.

 

Baekhyun noticed how Chanyeol started to distance himself from him; he witnessed everything as the younger boy gained his own friends as soon as they were put on a different class from the other.

  
Baekhyun got used to having Chanyeol around him that he no longer looked for other people's company. He wanted Chanyeol to be the only person around him, but then the image that he came up to every day at the spot that they used to always hang out-- at the spot that used to be theirs, he came to the realization that there is no more possibility that he would even be able to stand there

with the giant. With that being said, the habit of searching for Chanyeol faded as the number of strangers that surrounded the latter increased.

  
Chanyeol still visited him at home despite the lacking amount of words exchanged at school, despite it all starting awkwardly which was completely different from before, and then it would settle to a more comfortable setting after a few minutes, it was still doable-- though Baekhyun wasn't stupid to notice that the younger had something going on. Of course he wasn't stupid like that.

 

Everything became obvious when Chanyeol stopped sitting beside him at lunch. Chanyeol stopped responding to him when he called for his name at the hallway.  
And just altogether, every conversation, every laughs-- Altogether, they came to a halt.

  
It was a halt that Baekhyun wasn't completely expecting.

 

At their finals exams, Baekhyun was surprised that Chanyeol approached him. It was as if the rift between them didn't take place-- as if they never stopped talking to each other. He knew he wasn't going to be able to stay angry or withdraw from Chanyeol. Baekhyun knew better because he was still holding onto those words that Chanyeol declared. At their last year of high school, Chanyeol made a promise with him.

  
It was a promise to attend the same university together. Baekhyun said yes-- Yes, they will attend the same university together...

  
Why? Because Baekhyun swore that while Chanyeol walked past him once with a bunch of friends mentioning his name, he knew he wasn't delusional when he heard the taller boy tell them with a boosted confidence, “He's mine.”

  
It was like a chant to Baekhyun. How Chanyeol would talk about him openly, probably telling people that he belongs to Chanyeol. The brunette loved the idea-- Though before it all, he knew he was just going with the flow of belonging to Chanyeol, of being claimed by him.

  
At their fourth year of high school, Baekhyun's first crush, Park Chanyeol-- Baekhyun looked forward to taking their college entrance exams together.

 

It was Kris' birthday and Baekhyun invited Chanyeol. After a long time that Kris was away, being a celebrity and at the same time going independent as he announced his relationship with Tao to their parents, he was delighted that his older brother was finally coming home. Although their parents didn't mind their preference, Kris insisted that he moved out and started to live by himself or rather, move in with Tao. Call it stupid or influenced-- but really it wasn't. Especially for the fact that Chanyeol already called Baekhyun as his from when they were 4 years old, but...

  
Baekhyun wanted to confess to Chanyeol.

  
Chanyeol came earlier than he'd expected. Everything was still going busy and they'd decided to go up to his room and just hang out until his parents called them. The boy was almost a family in there, so there was mostly no use of stopping Baekhyun from having him in. Baekhyun's parents already knew that he likes Chanyeol anyways-- With all the things that happened from his childhood to today, they were already aware that Baekhyun had something special for the younger.  
Just that it seemed like Chanyeol was the one without any hint about it.

  
The door creaking to open, Baekhyun led Chanyeol in as if it wasn't his hundredth time in the said room. They sat on his bed. Baekhyun faced Chanyeol, studied his features and recalled how he's grown to something else from what he could remember during daycare.

  
“I'm so excited to have Kris hyung over.” He beamed, trying to stop himself from moving around.

  
Chanyeol smiled at him in return, not because he was happy for Baekhyun, but because, like the brunet, Chanyeol had grown really close to him as well, “I'm just like you, Baek. I can't want to see him too. Is Tao hyung joining him?”

  
“Yeah, Tao hyung will come over too to meet our parents.” Baekhyun sighed.

  
“What's wrong?”

  
“Nothing,” He shifted his head to the side and pursed his lips back, “I just hope he didn't change... I'm going to be sad about it.”

  
“I doubt he'd change. Tao hyung wouldn't let him.”

  
Baekhyun could only nod at Chanyeol's response. He's right. Kris wouldn't change. Tao wouldn't let him.

  
“Thanks, Chanyeol.”

  
“You're not really that welcomed.” He teased.

  
“Stupid youngster hasn’t changed!” He squealed in delight over the sudden meltdown of the awkwardness. Just like the past few times that Chanyeol had been visiting, Baekhyun was happy that right now, it didn't matter that they'd actually drifted off from each other.

  
“You haven't changed though.” Chanyeol let out, taking in all of the the elder's attention, “Still the same Baekhyun that I remember.”

  
“... Same Baekhyun?” He asked.

  
“Yeah. Still the same small eyes-- same white skin. Petite and everything.”

  
Chanyeol's deep voice reverberated into the room. Baekhyun didn't know what to make out of Chanyeol's little explaining, him? Petite...  
“And everything? What's everything?” He pried.

  
“I meant you're still the same as before-- Noisy, and really caring. Reminds me of the days of how you and Han were.”

  
“... Hannie.” Baekhyun found himself whispering the boy's name-- The boy that he used to be so close to. The one he lost contact with after daycare.

 

Baekhyun failed to catch Chanyeol's attention on him, and too soon, they were finally called downstairs, saying his brother arrived with Tao.

 

 

“How are you sure that you like him?”

  
“Too sure, hyung. And it scares me.” He whispered.

  
Baekhyun didn't know why he was even whispering. He was scared-- it was as if the whole world was going to hate him if he told; if he gave in, if he admitted it. He was going to be hated for it...

  
“Have you told him?”

  
“No-- I... Hyung, you're the first to know about this. I don't know if I should even tell him!”

  
“You have to. Say it to him in the face and see what he does.

  
“It's not easy, hyung.” He whimpered like a kicked puppy.

  
“You think it was easy on me, Baekhyunnie?” His brother cooed him. “I had to go back and forth to hell to get where I am with Tao right now. If you're sure about Chanyeol, then why not?”

  
“But I'm scared.”

  
“Everyone is.”

  
Baekhyun worked up the courage. A few times after his talk with his older brother, Baekhyun would approach Chanyeol. The way they stopped talking kept going though, and it just added onto Baekhyun's fears.

  
Every time he approached Chanyeol, the latter would call his friends over and walk with them away from him. It was so fucking obvious that Baekhyun would sometimes hide at the comfort room, telling himself that he was just over-thinking things.

  
But really-- Baekhyun wasn't over thinking things.

 

For weeks that dragged on with Baekhyun trying to catch Chanyeol's attention, he saw how Chanyeol would come and go.

  
And it was completely stupid.

  
One day Chanyeol would walk up to him like nothing happened, and another, he'd be a different person that seemed like he didn't even know his own name whenever Baekhyun would shout for him. The small brunet was going through unwanted worry and he just couldn't help but question the obvious. Does Chanyeol know...?

  
The last time they had a proper conversation was during his older brother's birthday. That was also Chanyeol's last visit. And it irked Baekhyun as to why he was getting this kind of treatment from the younger.

  
So Baekhyun thought, fuck this, I'll walk right up to him and say it.

 

Chanyeol stood frozen. He couldn't believe what he'd just heard, as if it was all a joke-- That maybe his mind conjured the words up that made him snap his neck to look at the smaller figure that stood in front of him.

  
But it wasn't a joke.

  
Baekhyun was right there; clenched fists, looking up at him with the most serious expression that he's ever seen on the elder. It was so new to Chanyeol and somehow, like the past few weeks that he's been feeling, he was scared. He didn't expect Baekhyun to actually have the guts for this. Not Baekhyun-- Not the very innocent Byun Baekhyun that he knew since daycare.

  
Chanyeol watched Baekhyun close the gap between them. He watched the brunet look at him, his expression slowly turning into something that Chanyeol has never seen before in his life.

  
“I like you.”

  
And Chanyeol found himself holding his breath.

  
“I like you so much that it hurts, Chanyeol.”

  
Chanyeol felt himself let out a shaky breath as he felt himself tense over it. Baekhyun was staring at him-- Almost pleading to return the same feelings.

  
He should know. Chanyeol had been longing for something like this. He was already at the right mind when he actually declared Baekhyun as his-- so he thought and asked himself why he was hesitating to give out a reply.

  
He knew he was sure about it-- Or was he?

  
“Ch-Chanyeol, say something.” He flinched as he realized that Baekhyun was still waiting.

  
“I... Baek--” He felt himself shaking as he let the words flow. Chanyeol wasn't even sure of what he was saying, because he was scared.

  
“Baekhyun... I'm not—”

  
“Don't say anymore. It's okay...”

 

The bell rings and they were cut off. Chanyeol simply rubbed the back of his neck, still avoiding looking at Baekhuyn. He failed to see the tears that trailed down on the latter's eyes, and he failed to see Baekhyun fall apart with just those simple mumblings-- mumbling that were obviously going to say no.

  
For once, Chanyeol felt disillusioned--

  
He felt and realized that what his friends told him were true. That he was simply infatuated with Baekhyun. It wasn't love, they said.

  
It wasn't.

 

Chanyeol was tasked for paper works before classes ended. He failed to see Baekhyun after what happened that morning, and as much as he felt free from the tight spot he was put in by the elder, he couldn't help but feel worried for him.

  
It came even more as a surprise when Baekhyun approached him as if yesterday didn't happen. Chanyeol made sure to ignore him though.

  
But with it came the thumping of his heart-- The uncertainty. The fear that Baekhyun would turn away from him once he finally comes to his own conclusion of how he felt for the elder.

  
As he was about to do the same routine-- call his friends and walk away from Baekhyun, pretending that they never actually talk, he heard it. He heard it almost to a whisper, and he knew it was only for him, “I like you, Chanyeol.”

  
Baekhyun never opened up to him like that-- told him how he really felt-- It surprised him. And it made him jump out of his skin to actually hear Baekhyun tell him that he liked him.

  
He knew he rejected Baekhyun, but as he walked the noisy hall with his friends attending to themselves, he found himself sighing happily, even smiling to himself by the simple thought that Baekhyun does like him.

Baekhyun called him, but he didn't want to hear Baekhyun's voice. His heart will ache again, and he would remember how Baekhyun's voice shook that day when he confessed to him. At the back of his mind, he was trying to imagine how Baekhyun must have felt-- But Chanyeol was too stupid to think that he wounded Baekhyun up quite well.

 

He thought he could fix it soon once he finally gets the courage to say-- to admit that he does love Baekhyun back.

  
And then he came to a halt, Baekyun likes him, so what was he holding back from? He asks himself. His heart rate sped up the more he thought of him being with Baekhyun-- With them eating lunch together, graduating together even-- Maybe they'll end up like Kris and Tao...

  
And that's when he realized.

  
Chanyeol's friends were so fucking wrong about his feelings.

  
He does love Baekhyun.

  
His eyes grew wide as he realized that he was actually a stupid little bullshit to reject Baekhyun-- Chanyeol was childish like that but he never came to realize that maybe some things weren't easily mended.

 

After one last run through his study notes for tomorrow's entrance exam which he and Baekhyun were waiting for in what seemed like ages, Chanyeol puts his notes and pens inside his bag and places it at the back of his door, stretching himself as he walked back to his bed. He pulled the blanket up as he thought happily-- He's going to tell Baekhyun.

  
That he likes him.

  
That he loves him too.

 

The next morning was his war-- their war. His and Baekhyun's.

 

Chanyeol sat comfortable on his chair as he played with his pen. Holding onto his class number, he anticipated the time to start answering the questionnaire.  
He knew Baekhyun was going to be put in a different room-- Seeing how their names were completely opposite off each other at the list.  
He takes his time and answers everything, sometimes going back and then changing the answers. Chanyeol knew he had to get it done right-- He thought of confessing to Baekhyun as his award from this entrance exam.

 

It didn't come to Chanyeol's attention after that week. Baekhyun stopped sending him text messages, and he saw him lesser by the day-- He stopped hearing his name from the sea of people after break time too.

  
And finally, when the results came in...

  
Chanyeol understood why he saw less of Baekhyun.

 

Baekhyun didn't take the entrance exam.

 

 

. . .

 

 

The loud music was busting out of the music speakers so hard; you would wonder how they fucking survived the place. People were dancing, swaying their bodies to the beat, most of them under the influence of alcohol.

  
Tight leather pants became his specialty. Baekhyun's specialty.

  
During times when he's stressed out which is almost like, everyday, he goes out to the clubs like this and dances it away. Drinks his problems away like he learned to.

 

“Byun! Let's get out of here!” Someone yelled out, luckily not drowning his voice with the crowd. Baekhyun heard him and he looked to find his friend with creased eyebrows.

  
“Five more minutes!” He yelled back, but the latter shook his head and launched at him, taking the glass in his hands and then grabbing him by the wrist out of the dance floor. “Let go!” He argued, trying to pry off the latter's hold on him. Baekhyun hated it when he was like this-- Trying to kill his buzz...

  
“No, Baek! We're going home! Kyungsoo's going to kill me when he finds out you did this!”

  
“Kyungsoo won't find out!” He whines.

  
Suddenly, his head was swaying as if he was on a ride. Baekhyun was staring at the elder. The other lets go of him and he cups his face and pouted his mouth.  
As soon as he dragged his unsteady self to kiss him with his eyes closed, Baekhyun felt a rough skin against his lips. He opened his eyes to find his friend's lips were sealed off by a hand, and as much as his vision was blurred from being drunk, he was still able to make out that the hand belonged to someone else.  
“We're taking you home, Baek.” The taller among them stated, “And that's final, you kissing drunkard.”

  
“Aren't you fucking tired, Baek? You've been at this for three years!” He heard the smaller one scold him, but his conscience was clean-- It was as clean as a baby's butt.

 

It was 4 years ago when Baekhyun did the disappearing act. After the entrance exams results came in, he made sure that Chanyeol got in. He talked to Kris about it, and his brother agreed to what he wanted. Baekhyun wanted out.

  
He knew it was rash of him to do so--- but he was scared. He didn't want to face Chanyeol anymore. Heck, the boy was confused as fuck and he wouldn't want to go through stalking because he knew he was up for it if needed. Chanyeol would hate him for that, and he didn't want to continue breaking apart if ever they did go to College together.

  
Baekhyun was already in his 3rd year. He's majoring in Music, and he lives independently. He had a lot of stuff going on since then. And from how he was-- he changed.

 

Baekhyun is a different person now. That fragile brunet was long gone.

 

“Baekhyun! Get a hold of yourself!” He heard, but his attention was so fixated on his wobbly legs. This is the last time he was going to drink this hard-- Yet that's what he always think of whenever he's dragged out of a club like this.

  
The cold air blew and it made him shiver. His throat was burning with heat from the alcohol, and Baekhyun loved how the cold embraced him from the outside while he was so hot on the inside. It reminded him of that time when he confessed to Chanyeol. It reminded him of that time when his parents signed the papers-- Of the time when he held him close...

  
So close in the dark.

  
Baekhyun's body was thrown into the car followed by his friend who took him and placed his head neatly on his lap, lulling him to sleep.  
“We shouldn't have left him alone...” He could hear them talking but he was too exhausted-- his head hurts now and he was fine with being brought home.  
“Sorry. I know... I'll explain this to Kyungsoo.”

  
“No, Sehun. We'll talk to Kyungsoo-- But let me do it first okay?”

  
And then the engine comes alive. Baekhyun felt the vehicle moving and he was off to sleep.

 

It was almost Baekhyun's birthday.

 

He dreaded that date. He hated it to a passion.

  
Because after what happened with Chanyeol, after the day he confessed to Chanyeol, not only did he come to the realization that he was on fucking cloud nine alone, thinking that he was loved-- He bumped into Chanyeol during his birthday-- When his parents forced him to come home. He wanted to at least apologize, but the younger walked past him, ignoring his presence-- his existence.

 

As if Chanyeol wiped him from the face of the Earth.

 

Baekhyun remembered how his brother told him then. That he had to go back and forth to Hell just to be with Tao. Well, Baekhyun begged to differ. He had to go to hell for confessing to Chanyeol, and for the 4 years that went by, he was still in it.

  
Hating himself because he's still hoping for something so impossible.

 

“What happened?!” The wide-eyed man almost screamed, but he manage to put his voice down because the blonde that the taller one carried was knocked out unconscious by the alcohol that he consumed.

  
“He did it again, Kyungsoo.” The other sighed, watching his lover carry the boy to the couch and settling him.

  
“Which part of the city did he go to?”

  
“The Edge.”

 

Kyungsoo looked at Baekhyun silently, worry splattering all over his face.

  
“What's wrong? Has something been happening at The Edge?”

  
“I don't even know if I should tell you... Can't you just keep him away from that area?”

  
“I won't even know if we really have to, Kyungsoo. You have to tell us.”

  
“He's right.” The taller male added in as he finished tucking the small drunk, “Just tell us why we have to get Baekhyun out of The Edge.”

  
“Chanyeol hangs around The Edge. Maybe Baekhyun bumped into him again...?”

  
“Again..? Kyungsoo, you mean--”

  
“Yeah.”

 

Baekhyun did. Once, 2 years after he left home. He was walking around, looking for somewhere he could treat himself for his birthday alone and he was pulled to the alley by the man.

  
He didn't know who it was at first, but when he was pinned to the wall by a hug-- the stranger's head on on the crook of his neck, Baekhyun had the inkling that it was someone he didn't want to see.

 

“Baekhyun-- Baekhyun, Byun Baekhyun.”

 

It was all that he was able to hear before the latter sunk down to him, falling to deep sleep. By the looks of it, the man was drunk. His breath said so, with his soiled clothes, the alcohol reeking and his face flushed red. Baekhyun wouldn't mistake it-- he was drunk. He was drunk and he was looking for him. Park Chanyeol, after 2 years of disappearing, was looking for him.

  
Baekhyun was stupid. He was stupid that time, because he brought Chanyeol back with him to his apartment. He laid him down to his bed and fixed him up to sleep-- Baekhyun planned to leave early in the morning so that he wouldn't know it was him.

  
Chanyeol matured well-- Baekhyun thought. He saw it with his own eyes as he looked closely at the sleeping figure. How his face was still the same, yet it wasn't. How he was always the taller person when it came to the two of them... How his voice became a never-ending pit of depth. Baekhyun smiled inwardly as he ran the back of his hand through the latter's cheeks, and then Chanyeol wounded up awake, pinning him to his own bed.

  
They did it.

  
Baekhyun was too clear-headed, but he allowed it to happen.

  
Pity-fuck as what he engraved it into his head. He's stupid-- he's desperate. Yes. Desperate. Call it birthday sex even, he won't say a thing-- Because he knows that when morning comes, Chanyeol would regret it. Chanyeol would regret it and he'll disappear from him again.

  
The younger hovered above him-- He could see that he was still under the influence of alcohol. It was great because like this, Chanyeol wouldn't be able to blame himself for whatever happens. Like this, Chanyeol can run away from him and he wouldn't have the reason to make him stay because it's simply a one-night fuck.  
Baekhyun learned to accept things like that. He was still hoping for a miracle, but he knew for now, he can only take what was offered to him.

  
So he accepted Chanyeol.

  
He accepted the drunken Chanyeol that chanted his name endlessly as he pounded into him like tomorrow was never coming again. In between kisses, Baekhyun found himself calling him-- Calling him awake, praying in his very being that Chanyeol would remember that very moment.

  
He held on for dear life. Because life meant Chanyeol.

 

At least for Baekhyun.

 

On the first day of becoming 20, Baekhyun wakes up alone.

 

No Chanyeol.

 

He woke up with no Chanyeol. Just an aching body. Just a hoarse voice. Just legs that couldn't even take him to his own bathroom-- Stained sheets. Baekhyun woke up with just traces of what happened last night.

  
“Who's that guy?”

  
“Which one?”

  
“The one he's linking his hands with...”

  
“That's Kyungsoo.”

  
“Kyungsoo?”

  
“Yes, Chanyeol. That's Kyungsoo.”

 

Chanyeol stared from his seat. He was on his car, and he asked for a short leave from his university. He's too stupid. Too stupid to let Baekhyun slip away from him in high school. He was too stupid to not notice the damage he inflicted.

  
He was too busy worrying for himself, that he failed to see that Baekhyun was being eaten up by his own worries.

 

Chanyeol went berserk when Baekhyun disappeared from him. He had his own moments-- He drank, he smoked. He made sure to ruin himself while he asked himself why Baekhyun had to disappear like that. He went as far as hating on his so-called friends. Because they were the ones that told him that Baekhyun wasn't worth it. They were the ones that made him question what he had for Baekhyun. They were the ones that made him turn away from him.

  
But in the end, it all boiled down to him letting them be king of his own emotions. They said it was wrong-- They said he'll be hated, and Chanyeol was scared of that. He found himself walking one step forward to where Baekhyun was but two steps back when he'd realize that he wasn't supposed to like Baekhyun.

  
That he wasn't supposed to love Baekhyun.

  
That day after The Edge slapped him awake. When he opened his eyes to find a sleeping Byun Baekhyun by his side, naked and spent... Chanyeol felt himself crumble. Because he wasn't ready-- He wasn't fucking ready to find Baekhyun despite having looked for him in every corner of the fucking city.

  
That was Chanyeol's biggest mistake in his sad excuse of a life when he ran away for the second time, leaving Baekhyun behind.

 

Two years later, almost to the age of 22, Chanyeol sat on his car, engine dead, watching the fields of the University that he's come to find out that Baekhyun attends to.

  
“What's his relationship with Kyungsoo, hyung?” He asks the man seated at his side.

  
Chanyeol was eyeing Baekhyun.

 

Baekhyun who was now sporting blonde hair and tight leather jeans—The giant couldn't believe what he was seeing at first, but the more his eyes got used to Baekhyun's style, the more he saw that the Baekhyun whom he stood in front of, before entrance exams, was missing.

 

“He lives with Kyungsoo as far as I remember. Baekhyun said he was going to live with him so that he could be taken care of.”

  
“... Taken care of?” He looks at the older.

  
“I don't pry on my brother's business, Chanyeol. It's his life-- but he said so himself, he's become a handful.”

 

Chanyeol stared at Kris a few minutes more, trying to see if he did know anything. But all that reflected onto the older male's eyes were hints of pity towards his own brother and confusion because Chanyeol just went up to his doorstep at 2:45 in the morning demanding of Baekhyun's whereabouts.

  
“Baekhyun... He changed.” Kris told him with a strained voice. “He changed when our parents divorced. When I decided to not visit home anymore...”

  
It's been a while since Chanyeol's had a proper talk with Kris like this. Technically, this was the first time he's talked to the taller in 4 years. They last saw each other at the results of the entrance exam from back then-- Chanyeol's studying there now, he's in his 3rd year and he's taking up dancing courses. He's made a few friends, but like Baekhyun's own circle, they knew his dilemma.

  
“He changed after he realized that there wasn't really anyone he could lean on.” Kris continued, “When he confessed to me that he liked you... I--”

  
“He told you?” Chanyeol asked with wide eyes.

  
“He did. I was the first to know... But seeing how we're here right now, I guess it didn't work out between the two of you.”

  
It's not that it didn't work out. There was a misunderstanding. It was a misunderstanding-- All of it. Chanyeol wanted Baekhyun as well, but he was too much of a child to come to terms with what he really felt...

  
He was scared so all he could do was shake his head and continuously ignore Baekhyun's efforts. He was scared because everyone told him not to fall for Baekyun-- Even though he already did, Chanyeol still made himself hidden from that fact.

  
“How did he end up living alone?”

  
“We talked about it. He comes by from time to time, but these days, he's been hanging out at The Edge. Sometimes I worry because he drives drunk.”

  
“Drunk? Baekhyun drinks?”

  
“He stays at bars until 3am; you wouldn't even want to witness it. Last record I heard from Kyungsoo, he stayed out all night. He doesn't have a license too, so it's a wonder how Baekhyun gets home safely, driving drunk and still he doesn't get caught really.” Kris snorts, but Chanyeol had other stuff going on in his head.

 

He shouldn't be stupid now.

  
He lost Baekhyun back then-- and the year before during his 20th birthday. When Chanyeol realized that Baekhyun really was there with him, he was already at home, regretting the decision of running away. Chanyeol hated himself because another time, another fucking time, he proved to the elder that he didn't want him.  
With Kris telling him of their parents' divorce, he realizes that Baekhyun may be harder to approach than it was way back— though he never really did any approaching during those times.

  
Baekhyun was the one that went after him, but he simply put him aside and ignored him. For the three times that Baekhyun told him that he likes him, Chanyeol turned his back and walked away.

  
“Baekhyun.” He called.

  
Chanyeol waited for the blond until he was done with classes. It didn't surprise Chanyeol when Baekhyun jumped in fright when their eyes met. Chanyeol could see that Baekhyun was in a panic. He could see that Baekhyun wanted to get away.

  
But he was snapped back to Kris telling him that Baekhyun wasn't like that anymore.

  
“Ch-Chanyeol?”

  
He smiled at Baekhyun. In what felt like eternity, he finally hears his name coming out of the same lips that he vividly remember kissing 2 years ago.

  
“Hey.”

  
“H-hey... What're you doing here?” Baekhyun asked him.

  
“I... Found out from Kris hyung that this is where you go to.”

  
Baekhyun nodded, without saying anything though.

  
“Hey, Baek-- Are you free?”

  
“Free?” Baekhyun choked out of himself.

 

Chanyeol couldn't help but stare at Baekhyun. He could see that the boy was having a rough time, he could see worry lines across his forehead, despite his milky white skin doing its magic. He noticed the circles under Baekhyun's eyes-- which were too well-hidden by his naturally smooth skin.

 

He slapped himself mentally as he noticed that Baekhyun was waiting for him to explain why he even asked if the smaller was free, or rather, why he was even here in the first place.

  
“I was thinking we could go for some drinks...?” He asked.

  
Just then, Chanyeol notices the boy that he remembers as Kyungsoo. He couldn't help but frown at him.

  
“Baekhyun...?” The man called, Baekhyun quickly snapping his neck to look at the other.

  
“Hey Soo.”

  
“H-hi.” Chanyeol greeted awkwardly. He could feel the intensity of the man's eyes, as if it was ready to kill him.

  
“Chanyeol, this is Kyungsoo.” Baekhyun introduced him fondly.

  
“Kyungsoo, this is Chanyeol.”

  
“Hi.”

  
“H-hello.”

 

Chanyeol was going to offer coffee, butinstead, he found himself tailing the two that seemed to have forgotten that he existed, stalking them from behind.  
Baekhyun insisted they went to the nearby Bubble Tea cafe, and when they did, Chanyeol found himself awkwardly squeezing himself in.

  
At the corner of the shop, there were two guys that sat. Baekhyun pulled Kyungsoo by the hand, and Chanyeol could only stare in disbelief because all he was expecting was to have Baekhyun and him alone. He couldn't help but stare at the way Baekhyun's hands were playing at the smaller guy's though.

  
He could hear himself chanting in his head, Mine. Get your fucking hands off.

  
But what right did he even have?

  
Chanyeol snapped out of his thoughts when he felt arms around him, pulling his weight down to a hug, “Chanyeol?!” The boy squealed.

  
He didn't know what was happening all of a sudden, until the other tall boy unhooked the boy from him.

  
“Y-yes?” He tried again, and then Baekhyun made his way beside the other. Together they linked their arms and pointed at him, “big guyyy Park!”

  
Chanyeol let out a hearty laugh, and as if he wasn't missing Baekhyun for 4 years— as if Baekhyun wasn't having his own problems, as if they traveled back in time, he cackled. He let himself off laughing as it came back to him, remembering their childhood at the daycare center, “Han!” He greeted back, arms wide open, but then the other guy that unhooked the other from him, came blocking his view.

  
“Mine.” The boy spat at him.

 

Just like that, his happiness was cut off short when he shot a look at Baekhyun who has now made his way back beside the other boy named Kyungsoo. In an instant, Chanyeol was erased from Baekhyun's world, and he could see how Baekhyun was talking so fondly with the other.

 

They caught up with each other. Chanyeol found out that Baekhyun's had a turn of interests and he's pursuing music now instead of dancing. He also learned that Han doesn't go by that name anymore-- He prefers his full name being called because of how Baekhyun would call him as Hannie and it embarrassed him so hard in front of their professors.

  
For some odd reasons, Chanyeol found himself hushed about the past. He didn't ask Baekhyun why he left nor did Baekhyun try to explain anything.

  
As if they had a restart.

  
As if they were meeting for the first time.

  
Chanyeol got Baekhyun's number. Along with Luhan, his boyfriend Sehun and the peculiar Kyungsoo.

 

 

Time was ticking for Baekhyun.

  
His heart was ticking like a bomb, waiting to explode because after multiple times of crossing paths with Chanyeol after his surprise appearance at his University, he found himself hoping again.

  
He knew it was going to be a crime to do it. It's going to be so fucked up if he allowed himself to fall all over again when he knew perfectly how the outcome would be.

  
Chanyeol will be confused, he'll question himself-- doubt himself and then he'll reject Baekhyun.

  
Baekhyun doesn't care anymore.

  
He's willing to take that risk another time. Even if it meant he was going to be broken-- worse than before... But this time, he's going to love Chanyeol quietly.  
Because despite wanting to voice out his feelings-- and because he knows how Chanyeol will be, he'll stay quiet and he won't tell Chanyeol those three words that he let slipp that caused him his loss. This time, the small blonde will do it-- He's going to love Chanyeol painfully.

 

Chanyeol and Baekhyun played blind. They continued to meet, they hung out. Baekhyun felt happy, but inside he was hurting. He felt like crap for letting it start again.

  
How could someone that you lost come back to you like this just because he wanted to catch up? Baekhyun was going insane asking himself, but he knew he shouldn't say anything. Or he'll chase Chanyeol away.

  
Though the times that Baekhyun went to The Edge lessened, there would still be nights when Kyungsoo would pick him up from the bar. Drunk Baekhyun would continuously ask his wide-eyed friend if Chanyeol called-- and the answer would always be yes.

 

From the time that Chanyeol appeared in front of him, Baekhyun's dilemma became heavier. Because compared to before when he couldn't see nor get close to Chanyeol, the idiot was at close poximity, and the blonde felt as if he were a dog, sitting in front his food but is told to stay put.

 

As Kyungsoo dragged him out of the place, Baekhyun removes the latter's grip and asks for the keys.

  
“You're drunk, Baek.”

  
“Lleett Mme… Not like.. Haven’t ddrovve before llike thisss...”

  
“Shut up and get in!”

  
“Kyungsoo...”

  
“Oh, hey Chanyeol.”

  
He was waiting for Baekhyun to open the door-- but with Kyungsoo coming in like this, with the blonde blacked out by booze, Chanyeol could only think of what's going on in his head again.

  
“He keeps asking if you called.”

  
“I always do.”

  
“Like I tell him.”

 

Chanyeol and Kyungsoo would have these short talks. It wasn't even the first time that Baekhyun did this. After Chanyeol's first visit at his apartment, the blonde went out and came home at 3 in the morning, puking outside which Kyungsoo had to take care of until the sun came up.

  
Chanyeol called that time like always, and he would put the phone on for too long that Chanyeol would hear Baekhyun mumbling incoherent words-- where it was only his name that was clear out of it all.

  
“Does it still scare you?”

  
Chanyeol jolted, looking at Kyungsoo, “Scare me?”

  
“Liking Baekhyun... Sorry I eavesdropped.”

  
“It's okay,” He shook his head and turned back to the unconscious male, “Yeah. I'm still scared.”

  
“What are you scared of, though? I'm sorry to pry, but... It just pains me to see Baekhyun still hoping something out of you.”

  
“He's still waiting, huh?”

  
“Of course he is.”

 

Chanyeol thought back. He thought back to his high school days-- Where one of his cousins came out to their parents and he was left to live by himself, disowned. And then there were his friends, planting thoughts into his head, telling him what was wrong and what was right.

  
Chanyeol shook his head as he remembered it all...

 

 

“I'm scared of the world-- I was.” Letting out a sigh, he takes Baekhyun's hands to his and brushes the latter's hair back, “I was scared of the world. I was scared shitless thinking about how they'll see me if I took Baekhyun for myself.”

  
Kyungsoo could only look at him with no words to say.

  
“You see, when we were kids, it was easy to say 'Baekhyun's mine!' I did that, and somehow Baekhyun grew up with that in his head. That he's mine... Odd enough, I hated people that went for him. Turns out I grew up with the mindset that he is mine.”

  
“Or rather, you were too young to actually accept the fact that you fell for him at such a young age.”

  
He looked at Kyungsoo and smiled, “Yeah. More like that... When we met again, after so long of being separated, I thought I was okay. I used to stay at the daycare you know, even after we were done being put there since we were old enough to take care of ourselves. I hoped that Baekhyun would drop by even once, so I would be there every day.

  
And then I bumped into him at high school.

  
I was stupid to reject him. I was stupid to think that I could just walk away and run back to him because I made up my mind. I was a coward.”

 

Chanyeol took Baekhyun to his room and laid him there. After cleaning him up with a damp towel, the giant slips in and takes Baekhyun close to him. He looks at Baekhyun and traces the latter's face with his fingers.

  
So much regret, guilt.

  
Baekhyun simply loved him but things had to be this way.

 

 

The birds chirped merrily. Chanyeol this time-- for sure, he knows that he wasn't going to run away. Not like 2 years ago when he woke up to Baekhyun lying beside him.

  
He feels Baekhyun shift in his sleep, and quickly he opens his eyes and gently turns the blonde back to face him. With a creased forehead, he watches as Baekhyun slowly takes in the morning...

  
“Baekhyunnie...” He calls him, deep voice.

  
He felt Baekhyun stiffen at his sudden call, and he takes him closer.

  
“Chanyeol...?” Baekhyun's voice was so unsure when he called him.

  
It kind of hurt him inside to think that Baekhyun would never believe this happening-- Maybe bit by bit, Baekhyun's faith for him returning his feelings were being stripped off.

  
He hums and pulls Baekhyun to him, “Let's sleep for five more minutes, Baek.”

  
“B-but...”

  
“Don't worry, I told Kyungsoo to have you excused today.”

  
“I'm more worried to wake you up and find you gone again.”

  
And there was that pinch of hurt inside him, because Baekhyun still has that memory etched in his heart.

  
The time he ran away.

 

 

Kyungsoo was busy fixing dinner. He was busy fixing dinner and Chanyeol just left for home to grab a set of clothes.

  
He was happy that Chanyeol was slowly working his way to have Baekhyun-- And it wasn't really a secret to Kyungsoo that Baekhyun was noticing the way Chanyeol was acting. Baekhyun thought a miracle did happen, and he couldn't be more delighted.

  
Chanyeol told him, that he's going to ask Baekhyun out soon.

  
Baekhyun was blacked out by drinks again though-- He came home from a birthday party of one of their friends, Yixing. And like always, Kyungsoo was there to take him home and lay him down on the couch.

 

“Kyungsoo?” He heard his name raspy and cracked from the blond lying on the couch.

  
“Yeah?”

  
“Was... Chan yeoll hehrrre?” He asked again.

  
“He was. He'll be back, Baekhyun, don't worry. He said he's staying the night with us.”

  
And just like that, Kyungsoo went back to what he was doing.

 

Baekhyun heard it. He heard it. He was drunk but he was very sure that he heard it.

 

“I'm done beating around the bush, Kyungsoo-- I'm going to say it.”

  
“Then I give you my greetings, Chanyeol. I'm going to beat you to a pulp if you do something to him.”

  
“Feel free.”

 

Baekhyun woke up groggy, but his heart was beating so fast because he wasn't mistaken when Kyungsoo said Chanyeol was here.

  
Chanyeol's going to say it?

 

His heart rate picked up and it didn't matter that he was drunk. Quietly, he looked back and forth at the busy friend that was confined at the kitchen; the petite blonde got out of the couch and took the set of keys that Kyungsoo left lying on the coffee table.

 

Chanyeol is surprised to find the door open. Carrying his bag, he goes in to find the couch empty, Kyungsoo phasing back and forth at the living room, “Kyungsoo? Where's Baekhyun?”

  
“He left. Baekhyun left, Chanyeol.”

  
“What do you mean he left?” He tried to smile, but he could see that Kyungsoo was still worried.

  
“He took my car keys...”

  
“He doesn't have a license--”

  
“That's not it, Chanyeol!”

 

He blinked a few times before he saw that something was off. “Baekhyun heard us talking... He must've gotten excited and went to meet you, I--”  
But Kyungsoo was shaking. He was shaking because there was something worse than that.

"What's wrong, Kyungsoo? If he drove away, then just call him-- he'll drive back here," Chanyeol let out, now being bitten by the panic that Kyungsoo was having.

  
"Baekhyun..." He tried, looking up at the horrified giant that waited for the next thing he was going to say, “... Baekhyun's drunk.”

  
The car was crushed-- Against a tree, and they were just in time to see him being mounted into the ambulance.

  
“Baekhyun...” Chanyeol choked out of himself. “No... No-- Baekhyun!”

  
With a gaping mouth, Chanyeol felt himself being pushed to the vehicle. Kyungsoo told him to stay with Baekhyun, and that he'll drive his car to follow them.

 

His legs took the damage. The doctors said he'll recover, but he'll have to stay confined at the Hospital. Luhan and Sehun came as soon as they heard. Kris hurried back from Canada when Tao told him of what happened.

  
“It wasn't your fault, Kyungsoo.”

  
“It was-- I shouldn't have let him out of my sight!” The smaller cried, Chanyeol looked at the unconscious Baekhyun.

  
And Chanyeol thought that maybe...

  
This was his turn to wait.

 

It’s his turn to wait for Baekhyun to wake up—to see him smile.

 

Because after what happened today, he realizes that he almost lost Baekhyun.

 

Today; the clock strikes 12'o clock midnight, November 27, at the age of 22...

 

Chanyeol's heart yearns for Baekhyun to awake, to hear him finally say it: “I love you, Baekhyun.”

 

 

. . .

 

 

They lied. Kris lied.

 

The doctor is a friend of his, Choi Siwon, one of his university friends. They used to go way back when Kris was still studying and he was the first person that he'd actually found a friend in. When Kris decided to become a celebrity, they promised to stay in touch with the other. And knowing Kris, the male called him as soon as he got the memo that his patient was named Byun Baekhyun.

  
Kris' step-brother.

 

Kris was told that a tall male came with him from the ambulance, and was followed by another that claimed to be Baekhyun's roommate. He knew right away that his younger brother was with Chanyeol and Kyungsoo so he felt reassured. He knew Baekhyun was okay.

  
But that was before Siwon broke the news to him first.

  
That Baekhyun's ankles took the biggest damage. When the car struck the tree, his legs were almost sandwiched by the damage. It was lucky that they were able to get Baekhyun out of there in one piece, Siwon reported to him-- And it resulted then, that there was little chance that Baekhyun could walk properly again.

 

Kris was torn upon the news. Baekhyun was still unconscious according to his friend, and that he'll be out for a whole lot of hours more due to the medication that they'd given him. For Kris that simply meant that there was still more time before his brother woke up-- Before Baekhyun finds out what happened to him. He can get there and be the one to explain to him-- because if he doesn't, surely Baekhyun would go berserk to it. He has to be the one to tell him. It was the outcome of his recklessness.

  
He knows it's going to be stupid of him. It is but it doesn't matter. He has to let Baekhyun decide if he'll let the people important to him know of what the result came to be. So he advices Dr. Choi to keep it a secret. That nothing's wrong with Baekhyun is what he should tell Chanyeol and Kyungsoo. That Baekhyun didn't take too much damage. Kris made his friend lie. For Baekhyun’s sake; for the sake of his precious brother, Kris made Siwon lie.

 

Baekhyun shifted in his sleep-- At least that's what he thought he did. He knew something wasn't right.

  
He was feeling heavy everywhere, his chest, his shoulders-- the lower half of his body. Even his head felt so heavy. It was like he was tied in bed actually. And no matter how many times he tried to open his eyes, even his lids were too heavy for him to lift open. His heart was pounding so hard against his chest, because he'd barely made out what happened to him prior this black image that's eating him.

  
All he was able to remember was how he was driving-- He was driving for something and he was excited. But he couldn't remember for what exactly. But he does know it was something that was related to Chanyeol.

 

Baekhyun tried to mentally slap himself, to remember. But there was nothing. All that was bugging him while he thought and sat in his head was him wondering why he wasn't seeing anything. Why it was dark around him. He doesn't understand but he tries to move a part of him. Maybe his finger, yes, there was control. But to anywhere else, there was none. He decided to just let himself be and try to observe his surroundings because the beeping by his side was quite taking a toll on his ears. Even the wheezing of something a little further away which he could almost make out for a heater, Baekhyun tried to channel his ears to the nearing footsteps outside.

  
"How is he?" Baekhyun was so sure that voice is Kris'-- It struck something in him that suddenly told his heart to beat faster than it should. Baekhyun wanted to get up then and there and ask what was wrong. Just by the appearance of his brother, he was sure that there's damn something going on.

  
"He's still unconscious, as you can see." The other voice spoke, and Baekhyun was now focusing on them, ignoring the other sounds that surrounded him.

  
"And? What about what you told me when you called? Is there nothing else? Did you maybe make a mistake, because, Siwon-- this can't--"

  
"Kris. Calm down."

  
"I can't!" Baekhyun would have winced if he was right there. The way his brother hissed at the latter made him even more worried, "How in the world do I calm down about this, Siwon?! You told me there would be complications-- what," Kris huffed, "How do I tell him? Huh? How the hell do I tell my brother about this?!"

  
"Kris!" The latter who's now named to be Siwon spoke up again. Baekhyun was worried-- Dammit why wouldn't he wake up? "There's still..."

  
Sleep took him before he could hear everything. Everything that he probably need to so that he could be on the same page with why he was in this state--  
Baekhyun doesn't know for how long he was out. But when his consciousness was returned to him another time, he could hear the same wheezing of the heater beside him-- he could hear the same beeping sound, but there was more of footsteps. He could sense that the door was open, but he doesn't know where the door was. He could hear voices, muffled ones as if they were coming from a distance. He tried so hard to try and lift his eyelids, but just like when he found himself last night, it was fruitless. Though he could move his fingers now-- maybe 3 fingers, he still deemed himself a dead fish, waiting for someone to fucking touch him so maybe they could sense his presence there.

 

Slow steps came in, followed by another pair. And Baekhyun thought that it'll simply be a replay of last time.

 

Baekhyun sighed inwardly, listening in-- Well, what else could he do? Of course he'll listen in.

  
"You can't tell them, Siwon. Not them."

  
"I'm a doctor, Kris not--"

  
"You're not the one to tell them... Let Baekhyun do it."

  
"But--"

  
"Just--" Baekhyun could hear his brother heave a sigh, "Just tell them he's okay."

  
"Wha-what do you mean?"

  
"Tell them nothing's wrong."

 

_Are they saying something's wrong with me?_

 

"Tell them he's fine. That he'll be confined for a while... Just do it."

  
"That's stupid, I won't lie!"

  
"Well you have to. I'll be responsible for this, I swear-- but please, Siwon. For my brother. Please."

 

_What's wrong with me?_

 

There was a long pause around Baekhyun, and the longer it stretched, the faster his heart pumped-- He was scared. What the hell was going on? He wanted to get up then and there to demand for an explanation for all the things that he's hearing right now.

 

"Alright. But remember what you said Kris-- You're holding yourself responsible for all of this."

 

"Thank you."

 

But Baekhyun wasn't satisfied with that. He'd tried and tried to move-- anything. Whatever the fuck that it was he could do-- but there his body was, being as useless as it was last night. He was feeling himself slipping out again when he was finally about to realize what was wrong... But then the darkness came again and suffocated him. Taking him back to another round of nothingness which he didn't know for how long lasted.

  
Baekhyun wasn't sure now. If he was really awake, because there was still darkness around him.

  
But when he attempted to blink, he was able to. Weird—Baekhyun tried to shrug, his body responded. He tried to drag himself up, and that was finally what told him that he is awake. He blinked a few more times before his eyes adjusted to the darkness. He could make out a line of light under the door. And there he was able to finally paint out the things that he's been hearing for those times. Beside him, as he made out-- was a small heater. It was seated atop the side table, and at the other side of his bed was the IV line. It was only then that he was able to see how he was needled up. Baekhyun made a disgusted face at his skin almost sticking out from the huge needle.

  
He whipped his head another time, and now completely used to the darkness, he was able to make out a few other things in his room, there were... Balloons? He had to squint his eyes to make sure-- Yep. There were three balloons. They were probably those that said Get Well Soon. Typical Kyungsoo, he thought.

  
Baekhyun wanted to get up. He wanted to get up to turn the lights on, see what was wrong with him. Or maybe escape the hospital for some playful adventure-- to go to Chanyeol? Go back home to Kyungsoo. He doesn't quite remember why he was driving though. He was drunk after all. Maybe that's what made the memory a little blurry. Though he doesn't quite recall when he'd forgotten anything while he was drunk. But then, the earlier conversations that Baekhyun had eavesdropped to kept etching back into his head.

 

"I have to tell who?" He asked himself.

 

Shrugging, Baekhyun stretched his arms, attempting to ignore the IV line attached to him. He had to get up to see how screwed his face went after this incident-- maybe scare him enough so that he'd have something to remind him to stop drinking. Dragging his butt to a turn, Baekhyun did another small stretch before he landed himself down on the floor only to fall harshly, literally landing on his butt.

  
And as if his fall made the puzzle pieces complete themselves, his jaw dropped to the realization. His ankles, his feet aren't working. Now that he thinks about it-- He can't even move his toes.

 

 

Kris had asked Siwon to put word in for him that he was visiting early in the morning. By early in the morning he meant 5 o'clock in the morning where not much people would be there. It wasn't because he didn't want anyone to notice who he was-- It was because he didn't want to be disturbed. After all the tension died out, after Siwon's explained to him everything, gave him choices, Kris thought he needed to be somewhere peaceful and quiet. He had nowhere though. But has two people that gave him that.

  
Kris decided it would be better if he brought Tao along. When he got the call from his lover, the latter was much more worried compared to him-- hell, Tao was crying to him through the phone before he was able to take in what really happened. They were both worried, and now, almost entering the third week of Baekhyun staying unconscious, which Siwon explained that it was Baekhyun's decision whether or not he woke up anymore, he wanted to be there, and simply hold onto his brother's hand to tell him that they're all waiting.

 

As an older brother, Kris didn't want their parents to get worried. The two had already found themselves somewhere to stay permanently in-- having families of their own again, Kris had claimed all responsibilities to Baekhyun, telling them it was okay to not contact them anymore. There was no rift in the family, but Baekhyun still took pretty much emotional damage on that part.

  
On Chanyeol and Kyungsoo's part, Kris had told them to get back to their lives. Chanyeol used to come in every day, not missing anything at all. It almost seemed like he resided in Baekhyun's ward to be honest, and Kyungsoo would visit from time to time, asking for development which Baekhyun deprived them of. For the past few days that Baekhyun had stayed in the hospital, Kris had been witness even if he didn't want to-- to Chanyeol's never-ending calls for Baekhyun's name, asking him, encouraging him to wake up because he couldn't wait to tell Baekhyun something. It hurt most for Kris to see that, knowing the two's history together. They were stuck in the hips like siamese twins and he knew right in the gut when Chanyeol almost threw him off his stance when he was nowhere near 6 years old that the latter was going to fall pretty hard for his little brother. He was always their pillar of support, he knows that.

 

But with what Siwon's told him? Kris was sure he's going to be the opposite of what he's far long been for the two.

  
Kris' thoughts were flying off everywhere. If it hadn't been for Tao who was occassionally holding onto his hand, clasping them together to tell him that he could talk to him, he would probably have gone insane already. Insane for worry, for guilt because he'd allowed his brother to be this reckless that he failed to look after him like he promised their parents. He couldn't blame anyone but himself. He's taught Baekhyun better than this.

 

It was 4:35 already. They were on their car with Kris taking the wheel. When they'd come to a stop by the red signal light, he'd only release himself from the road, staring at the blinking numbers that counted down for how long he could stay worried until he had to force his eyes on the road again. He's grown a habit to biting his lips in worry-- and then he would click his tongue because he simply doesn't know when-- how to start if ever Baekhyun did wake up, how would he tell his brother?  
He lets out a sigh. He just wants to break down right now-- just like how Baekhyun would in front of him.  
"Kris." He heard from beside him, and it sinks to him that he's actually being watched since he tore his eyes away from the road.

He looks at the male beside him, a sad smile tugging out of his cheeks-- it hurts to smile. He doesn't want to smile because he doesn't know when his little brother would wake up. He doesn't know if Baekhyun would wake up.

 

"It's going to be okay." Tao whispered to him. And he could only nod small to it. The younger male takes his hand for a brief moment, soothing touches on his hand and the latter is simply encouraging him. Kris could see the equal amount of worry pooling out of Tao's eyes, but he guesses that the latter is choosing to be stronger right now for him, for the both of them. He couldn't thank Tao enough for this.

  
Turning to the empty parking slot, Kris lets another heavy sigh. Tao was there to rub circles on his back, reassuring him that everything was going to be alright again. Tao was his little magic then-- As he was always feeling worried and tensed over his brother's issue, and just those simple words from Tao and he'll find his calm. He purses his lips, turning the car keys back so the engine would die off.

 

They dismount the vehicle at the same time, Kris goes around to Tao's side and gives him a small hug, thankful for being there for him like all the times he'd been this way in the past. Tao knew him too well ever since the Daycare, he thinks. And smiling down at his lover, Kris grabs his hands and walks together into the Hospital, heading to Baekhyun's ward.

 

His heart stops at the sight that greets him as soon as the door opens. As if it was the most heartbreaking thing he could ever see. Baekhyun was staring blankly at nothing; it was almost like when he found out that he was too late to beg their parents not to continue on with the divorce, Baekhyun was just there on the floor. There was a sudden lump stuck on his throat, disabled and frozen by the door.

  
Tao was the one that ran in without thinking.

  
"Baekhyun!" Kris simply watched as it unfolds in front of him. Tao picked up his brother like he used to do back in the daycare. Just that this one was completely the opposite of how happy that made him. It fucking hurts seeing Baekhyun blank. "Get up!" Tao pleaded, holding onto his brother's arms, but Baekhyun looked like he was already broken.

  
He's already figured out what was wrong it seems: Kris was too late.

  
There was a choked and forced chuckle and it only had him snapping his eyes to his brother, "How do I get up? I can't even move my toes. It's like I don't have my feet with me."

  
"Baekhyun!" Kris scolded.

  
Baekhyun looked at him, and there wasn't any light in them, "Is this what you and that doctor's been talking about? Surprise, hyung-- You don't have to tell me anymore. I just found out."

  
"No, Baek--" He argued weakly, taking back control over his own body and finally walking over to the sad figure on the floor. Tao gave them their time, just standing by their side.

  
He hugged Baekhyun tightly, and as if it was what the smaller male had been waiting for, Baekhyun wept, cried his heart out from the sudden revelation. "We'll fix this." He assures, but his promise was drowned out by the continuous sobbing of the blond male.

 

Kris could only imagine the only thing that's running inside Baekhyun's head then and surely it isn't of his well-being, but rather of the man that his little brother had tried so hard to run after. So how does he run after Chanyeol now when he can't even walk anymore?

  
Chanyeol had heard news that Baekhyun's all woken up now. But he isn't able to go there as soon as he got word. He was after all, getting ready for a dance-off competition. His University decided to be a dick, requiring him specific amount of hours in the day before he was given his evaluation for his final stage performance that would serve for his finals-- and adding to the wagon was his dick of a dance-addicted partner, Kim Jongin, basically the son of the University chairman.

 

By the time Chanyeol had found himself a free schedule, it had been a week and a half and he doesn't find it off that Kyungsoo hasn't been calling him for updates when he was the first one that told him about Baekhyun waking up. The last he'd heard from the smaller guy was that Kris was the one taking care of Baekhyun. Of course it was all okay. It's okay and all that since it is Kris. He's sure he can drop by and Kris would let him in without a doubt.

  
One more round for practice, dancing in the studio with the music booming out of the large speakers that took stand at the corner of the area, Chanyeol did the steps smoothly, keeping in mind that he has to clear his schedule for a few days. He's been practicing over the clock, staying at the Studio or sometimes hiding from the guards so he'd be locked in and he'd have no choice but to practice all night. He was doing it so that he could have the balls to ask for a small vacation, with Baekhyun in mind of course.

  
But Chanyeol doesn't know why there was that tugging at his heart, one that didn't really clarify itself if it was about something bad or good that's about to happen.

 

The dance competition was happening two weeks from now. Chanyeol was good and ready for it. He proved himself to the God of Dance Kim Jongin. And by that, Mr. Kim-- the chairman granted him another vacation despite asking for one a few months back when he'd found Baekhyun again. He knew he was crossing the line, it was rude too since he was asking for Jongin's help right up in the face. But then all Jongin had wanted was for him to be introduced to Kyungsoo, so Chanyeol guesses the latter is knocked out for Kyungsoo.

  
He makes his way to the hospital, alone. He's been waiting for this day to happen. It's the day he'd sworn to tell Baekhyun how he feels, apologize for being a coward back in their days when it was Baekhyun who was confessing to him-- How he wanted to tell Baekhyun that he was simply under influence-- with too much people dictating the right and wrong for him. His heart pounds at the thought of Baekhyun looking at him in shock once he does the real thing. There is a sense of excitement that told him it was finally going to happen.

  
With a bouquet at hand, he heads to the front desk. A small line had already started and he took his place behind a certain visitor. Chanyeol purses his lips back and look around, the silence eating him up a bit-- save for the footsteps and whispers of people that were roaming around the hospital lobby. As he patiently waited for his turn, Chanyeol fixes his clothes, checking on the bouquet if the covering had any weird look into it. He stretches out the plastic and takes in the scent of the flowers before the person in front of him takes their leave and he is there standing in front of the personnel.  
"What can I help you with, Sir?" She asks.

  
Chanyeol simply smiles a bit, and he takes in the beating of his heart before he clears his throat to answer, "Byun Baekhyun." He states. Though it was awkward for him to actually ask for Baekhyun like this, he's actually known the latter's room number-- but all of a sudden he just felt like he had to check again if Baekhyun was moved to a different room. He watches patiently as the nurse takes out a few folders. She scans each line, her finger going down to look for the name. And just like how her finger sat on the paper, tapping the name that clearly said Byun Baekhyun, Chanyeol waited until she got back to him.  
"He's been moved to room 213, Sir."

 

Chanyeol nods his thanks and darts for the elevator, not mattering if the nurse had anything else to say. That'll be the second floor-- Thank God he asked for him, since he used to be confined at room 411. He clicks on the button that indicated upwards. And he sighs, bites his lower lip in anticipation-- everything within him simply rushing over because he finally gets to see Baekhyun.

  
The door comes into sight. And Chanyeol ends up half-running towards it until a nurse comes out of the room. He's all smiles as he comes face to face with the individual. Yet he is put to a stop when she speaks up, "Are you a visitor?"

  
He slowly looks at her and he nods, the smile not leaving his face, "Yes. I'm a visitor. I'm--"

  
"Mr. Byun doesn't accept visitors sir. He specifically told the staff to not let anyone else in as long as it's not his brother."

  
And then there's that annoying noise in his ear, as if it was ringing, Chanyeol's face crumple in confusion and frustration over the noise and to what the nurse had just told him, "What?"

  
"We can't let you in, sir." She states firm and clear as if she was having none of Chanyeol's pleas.

  
"Then why did the nurse at the lobby give me his room number? She should've told me that I'm not---"

  
"I'm sorry sir," She cuts in not really looking to meet his eyes, "We were told strictly to not let anyone into the ward as long as it isn't Mr. Wu himself."

  
"Wu." Chanyeol says like a breath. He takes a deep one and fishes his phone out of his pocket, moving the bouquet of flowers to the other hand and he speed dials number 4 for Kris. He has to see Baekhyun. Of all people, Kris would know. He'll get the access that he wants.

  
"Hello?"

  
"Kris hyung!" He almost yells through the speaker.

  
"Chanyeol. What is it?" The rather husky voice asked in return. Chanyeol was sure there was no noise at all wherever Kris was in. It was all too silent.

  
"I'm outside Baekhyun's ward. They won't let me in."

  
He doesn't miss the small sigh out of the latter-- Chanyeol's heart skips a beat as he waits for a response. But he gets nothing.

  
"Kris? Are you there?"

  
The dial tone told him that there was something wrong.

  
Baekhyun heard Chanyeol outside.

 

And all he could do was cover himself up with his blanket because two weeks since his awaking wasn't really that fun. He'd wished he stayed asleep for a longer period of time... Maybe even come out without a memory of anything would have been better.

 

For so long Baekhun had begged the heavens to give him a chance to be with Chanyeol. He'd done the running around for him, the following and the waiting. Everything had come to no results and he knew that. Though before the incident, he's known things were finally looking up to what he's been silently wishing for in life. That Chanyeol was finally seeing him for something that he's wanted the latter to see him. But it all came crumbling down for Baekhyun because before anything could even happen, the result of the accident has come to him every night in the form of a nightmare.

  
It would be there, since his awaking, since he found out. And it would appear in the form of Park Chanyeol leaving him, telling him it wasn't all that worth it and he would turn his back on him. Baekhyun was disabled from catching up to the latter, the result of his accident and he would cry, beg him to come back in the dream, and he would be saved by the sunlight or sometimes by his older brother that would shake him awake to tell him it was all just a dream, nothing but a dream.

 

It became a dream that came every night. And it became a dream that Baekhyun would never want to see materialize.

  
So he told himself that he'll never give himself a chance to be with Chanyeol. He'll never. Because if he does?

  
If he does, there'll be no turning back for him.

 

And the dream would materialize; it would laugh at him as soon as it happens, as it unfolds with Chanyeol turning his back on him, to tell him that he wasn't worth it.

  
Not worth any pinch of love at all.

 

For a few days, Chanyeol had come and went. Kris told him it wouldn't really do all that good that he was there all the time, he was there in the open and Chanyeol only had to wait for a chance until he could barge in, asking for Baekhyun's reasons to why he's being kept away from him.

 

And as if it was the answer to their slowly growing problem, Kris came to his ward at 8 in the evening, just as when the visiting hours had ended. Baekhyun would never imagine being told-- being told something. That gave him hope but didn't forget to hurt him in the process.

  
"Siwon told me we can try for a cure—for a fix."

  
"A fix...?"

  
Kris nodded, holding his hand. It was too much of a reassurance, “They said they know someone who can perform the surgery. There's a chance you can walk again."

  
"What--"

  
"It's in Canada, Baek. We can go there as soon as Dr. Choi gives us the word."

  
"Canada...?"

  
"Yes."

  
"For how long?" He asks, and he knows it wasn't the reaction that his brother was looking for, judging by his facial expression tensing. Baekhyun doesn't care and continues to another question though, "Will I be able to come back here? What about Kyungsoo? What about our apartment? What about my rent, my things, hyung, what about school? I--" Baekhyun threw almost every question that popped into his head, because he was in a panic-- He doesn't talk about Chanyeol because he was scared of what Kris would say about it.

  
"We don't know for how long."

  
His mouth stays open, small breaths escaping him as if his lifeline was cut short.

  
"Chanyeol still doesn't know what's wrong, Baekhyun." Kris tells him carefully. Baekhyun sometimes hated how his brother could read him like a book. He knew what topics were being ignored, but he insists to bringing them up. "We talked about this. You were going to be the one to say it to them, even to Kyungsoo."

  
But can he tell them? Baekhyun thinks. It's still too raw in his mind of how every nightmare would tell him he'll never be able to run after anyone that would leave him... "You have to tell them-- Tell them before we leave."

  
"We're... Leaving?"

  
"We have to."

Baekhyun calls Kyungsoo up, not caring that he'd awoken him. Kyungsoo didn't mind, since he too has been kept out of his ward ever since he gained consciousness. He tells the latter to come by first thing in the morning.

  
"Baekhyun?"

  
Baekhyun jumps at the voice. He's seated at the garden, on the bench and he makes sure that despite having to tell Kyungsoo of what he was going through, he didn't want to appear it. Baekhyun had asked his older brother to leave him there, and that he was going to call him if he needed his wheelchair to reach his ward... What he didn't expect was for Chanyeol to be the one calling out to him.

  
Baekhyun ever so slowly turns his face to look at the latter. And he drinks in every change he's found in him. Blazing red hair, a trace of sweat across his forehead and he could see how Chanyeol's shed a few pounds-- He's obviously been working hard.

  
Chanyeol approaches him and Baekhyun had to force down the cry of wanting to leave the area. Park Chanyeol, the center of his nightmares is standing in front of him, walking towards him. And it hurt because there was his gut telling him ugly things.

  
The taller male sits beside him, all too close, all too familiar. It had reminded him the feeling of waking up next to Chanyeol from back when he got drunk-- It reminded him of being engulfed to an embrace-- of Chanyeol asking him for five more minutes, of him snuggling closer to him.

 

Baekhyun hates it. He hates that he loved remembering it. The memory was burning in his mind.

 

The silence was killing him. Chanyeol was just seated there, face low, staring at his own hands. Baekhyun didn't dare move an inch for fear that Chanyeol would say anything that he wouldn't want to hear but Chanyeol does it anyways, "Why won't you see me, Baek?"

  
"I..." Baekhyun's words fade before he can even make out any of them, "I just... I don't want to."

  
“What do you mean?"

  
Baekhyun sighs, "It simply meant that I didn't want to see you, Chanyeol."

  
"Why won't you? Did I do anything wrong?"

  
And right at that second, Baekhyun decides to numb himself-- God forgive him for what he was going to do.

  
"You're asking me?!" He yells as if he was on for an outburst, "I'm here in the hospital because I was stupid to run after you! And you're asking me what you did wrong?!"

 

Baekhyun doesn't miss the confused expression on Chanyeol, it starts up a small crack inside him but he doesn't stop from spewing words of hate, of blame—of spewing venom right in his face. "You know what? You shouldn't have come to look for me. Not now and not before, Chanyeol. Do you know what happened? Do you?" Yet the younger was just staring at him as if he was having his own roller coaster of a ride, trying to figure out why Baekhyun's suddenly lashing out on him, "I fucking hoped again, you see, Chanyeol? After you came again and again into my apartment-- how you were all about the catching up stuff, I was there. Sitting with my heart all giddy because I was telling myself-- deluding myself that there was a possibility that I would get what I want! I'm so stupid, Chanyeol! And what happened? Hm?" He hums. Chanyeol was to answer but he didn't let him. He didn't want to have any reason to cut this act off... "This accident had told me to finally wake up, Chanyeol! It told me to stop all this nonsense that I have for you, all of these shitty feelings that would keep pushing me to doing things that I shouldn't have been doing—to stop hurting myself."

 

There was a split second left for silence. Baekhyun was sure he's let enough rage into the act-- enough anger to cause any possible damage on Chanyeol. To make him leave-- walk away.

  
"... You were hurting? Because of me?" Chanyeol's voice went too deep when the words escaped his mouth.

  
And Baekhyun shivered on the inside because there wasn't a hint of life in Chanyeol's voice. "The memory of you rejecting me always haunts me, Chanyeol. Everyday. I can never bring myself to--"

 

"One last time."

 

Baekhyun's heart stops at it. And he doesn't look at Chanyeol. He doesn't look because he was scared out of his wits-- Of what Chanyeol looked like when the words were realeased. The blonde doesn't try to think too much into what Chanyeol had just said, yet there was the painful tugging. And it intensified when the latter stood up and walked three steps forward, presenting him his back.

  
He could feel all the hair in his body standing up-- because it was simply like what his dream had showed him. Baekhyun prayed in his head-- That this wasn't it.  
"Can you come after me-- One last time?" And Chanyeol walks away.

 

And the tears that were at bay had made their way out of his eyes. Baekyun crying as Chanyeol's feet began to move, increasing distance. He clutches hard onto the chair, forcing his feet to move yet they refused to listen. He'd wanted-- wanted to tell Chanyeol all this but he couldn't bring himself to do it because he's grown uncertain of what he could offer to the latter if he were to be with him. When Chanyeol turns for the door, Baekhyun could do nothing but call his name voiceless. He tries so hard to not say anything as Chanyeol takes the path that held the exit sign.

  
And as soon as the younger was out of sight, Baekhyun eagerly pushes himself off, begging his body to cooperate because he would want to go after Chanyeol, no matter what. But he falls-- Baekhyun falls all too hard on the ground and he is left to cry not for the painful drop, but for his heart breaking just like before. Baekhyun realizes for real now, how he can never have a chance of stopping Chanyeol from walking out of his life. How it's all too real now that he doesn't deserve a chance to be with Chanyeol.

 

"Baekhyun!" A voice comes to call out for him.

 

He doesn't make out who it was, because his eyes were fogged-- clogged by tears and he doesn't really care anymore. He's broken his ties with Chanyeol another time... Just that now, he was sure there was no way of mending it back.

 

He chokes out his sobs, and the person takes him for a hug, cradling him.

 

 

"Thank you for bringing him back, Kyungsoo." Kris pats the smaller. He gets a nod in response and only then was he able to let out a sigh of relief.  
Kris had come all too late, 9 in the evening and as they've been trying to throw Kyungsoo out of the hospital, he was able to prevent them from doing so, claiming that he was a guest and they'd received access with the help of Siwon. He'd gotten an emergency call telling him that Baekhyun had gone on hypertension, and they had to drug him to calm him down, eventually putting him to sleep.

  
Kyungsoo had to tell him of what happened having been the only one that witnessed the whole thing-- It turned out that Chanyeol tried yet again to see Baekhyun and it matched to the time that his younger brother had decided to meet up with Kyungsoo. He lerned from Kyungsoo that Baekhyun went to a crying spree after what had occurred, also learning that Chanyeol had decided to distance himself from Baekhyun.

  
Somehow he didn't know if he had the right to feel happy over his brother's heartache-- Of course he didn't. Kris would never find happiness in his own brother's loneliness.

 

Kyungsoo decided to go when midnight struck. Kris offered him a ride but he declined, saying he already had one anyway. Kyungsoo only hoped for the best-- For Baekhyun's recovery once they went to Canada.

 

For the following day, Baekhyun wakes up blank. He wakes up, doesn't say anything nor move a thumb to show any signs of life. It was almost as if he was mourning over a loss. And Kris would have turned back time to tell Baekhyun that he could stay with Chanyeol. To tell him that everything was going to be okay and that he didn't need to sacrifice his happiness for this. Although he didn't see how things unfolded, he knew Baekhyun was simply getting ahead of himself. Being sole witness to Baekhyun's nightmare every night, he knew the younger was trying to stop it all, he knew Baekhyun was trying to seeing it as a premonition, a look into his future after the incident.

  
Baekhyun doesn't like being abandoned-- It was normal for him to act this way. But that didn't change the fact that Kris' heart broke at the image of his younger brother falling apart.

  
"... Baekhyun--" He tries. The latter doesn't do anything, not even a flinch. "Siwon told me we could..." He fades out, still trying to be cautious. But Baekhyun snaps his head looking at him.

  
"As soon as possible, hyung. I don't care if we leave tomorrow."

  
"Tomorrow it is."

 

 

Chanyeol doesn't know for how long he stayed by the exit. He waited. He stopped there as soon as he knew that he was out of sight and he stopped to wait for Baekhyun to follow him.

  
But he didn't.

  
Chanyeol was more than sure that things were going well. What happened? Did something go wrong? Didn't Baekhyun know why he'd left that night? The younger could vividly recall how Kyungsoo told him that Baekhyun must have heard them and his plans of asking him out-- It isn't possible that he was too happy for it before he got into an accident and now he doesn't even want to see his shadow. It isn't reasonable.

  
He decides to give Baekhyun another week. Another week so Baekhyun could calm down-- So he could organize his thoughts and know where to begin. To tell him how he regret the past, how he's happy with finding him again and how he wants to make it right.

  
Chanyeol forgets the fact that he was on vacation. Too stupid to have let the week drag on when it was the only time he was alloted before their finals. The rest of the week is to be dedicated for final rehearsals, simply meaning he doesn't get to go to Baekhyun at all. He tells himself to be patient. Baekhyun will be there, waiting for him like he has for a long time.

  
His mind doesn't care of how he was mentally hearing Baekhyun say he was too stupid to wait for him.

 

Chanyeol keeps his faith. One more week isn't going to hurt.

 

 

Instead of clubs like a year ago, Baekhyun frequents the park in Canada. Instead of his blonde hair, Baekhyun had grown them out and allowed them to return to his natural brown hair color. Instead of running around the whole place, Baekhyun holds tightly onto his crutches. Afrraid to fall because falling would give him difficulties to helping himself back up.

  
It's been almost a year since.

  
And Baekhyun never had the guts to contact anyone from Korea. Kris was right about the process. The doctors never told them for how long he had to stay for treatment. They operated on his ankles, and there were both good and bad news after the event. It so happened that his right ankle was beyond damaged, there was no treatment to it. His left one though had been found out to not suffer too much. The doctors were able to do something about it.

 

Baekhyun took a while to recover. Because there were too many times he'd fallen back to depression. It always reminded him of how their parents decided to get a divorce and how they weren't able to stop them-- not even try. Baekhyun didn't know why but he dreaded the thought of being abandoned. Sure their parents leaving them was a factor and maybe it was because of all the people coming in and out of his life made him lose faith in having someone forever.

  
Then again the only people that stayed permanent with him were his brother and Tao. Baekhyun looked up to the two, he wanted to find something alike their relationship-- But with now? With him broken like this? It's going to be one tough of a job, especially since he wouldn't be able to stop them literally. That was simply the reason why Baekhyun had to turn Chanyeol down.

  
And as much as he regret the deed, he told himself it was for the best than to falling all over again and having to suffer the heartache of being left alone another time. He told himself to suffer before anything could actually happen.

  
Chanyeol became a sore topic to Baekhyun. Not once did anyone mention his name. Not once did Baekhyun said the younger's name. Because he knew he was going to break down if he did.

 

November 22. It's November 22 and Baekhyun had learned to walk with his crutches. He's gone therapy and is taking his medicine all too well, that he had been allowed to leave the Hospital. It was a freedom that he both wanted and hated at the same time. Because it simply told him that he chose to abandon the two important people in his life. Kyungsoo had tried to contact him too, but he'd told Kris to be the one to talk to him because he was scared--- How would Kyungsoo see him from running away like this? Of all people he knew how Baekhyun dealth with things head-on and running away like this is just not his style...

 

Three days go by in a flash, Baekyun was to go to the hospital for another check-up.

 

Kris would always be the one to assist him through, and his brother being almost free nowadays as he had taken his own vacation, wouldn't let him off his sight, always babying him like how they were in Daycare.

  
"It's... almost the 27th, Baekhyun."

  
And he finds his brain throbbing from that simply utterance.

  
Baekhyun tries to still himself, the guilt pooling in his stomach, "W-what's with the 27th, hyung?"

  
"It's the anniversary to your feet."

  
And he lets out a choked chuckle. Chanyeol's name burned at the back of his head. It was burning, telling him of the day when he was too happy looking for Chanyeol. How he'd accidentally hit the gas instead of the brakes. How everything had led to what it is today.

  
Baekhyun misses how Kris had driven them, how the latter hadn't taken the same turn whenever they would go to the hospital. It only comes to realization when Baekhyun finally snaps up, and he could see nothing familiar in his surroundings. Kris unbuckles his seatbelt and Baekhyun did the same, the small pounding of his heart gradually growing because his brother is suddenly acting strange.

 

"Hyung what are we--"

  
"One year, Baekhyun." Kris states, "It's almost been a year, and I thought you were going to be okay."

 

Baekhyun tries to smile, but the latter just shook his head, "You were never the same after what happened. You never told me what you'd done-- I had to hear everything from Kyungsoo."

  
And the memory-- Of how he simply made up excuses, how he couldn't run after Chanyeol plays in his eyes, and Baekhyun wasn't able to see all the concern in his older brother's face.

 

"You just had to tell him what happened, he would have understood."

  
"No." He shook his head, "He wouldn't understand hyung! I-- Chanyeol would have left me again anyways, I-- I had to do something! Hyung, you know how it hurts for me. You know how I dread everyone leaving me!"

  
And the latter catches his shoulders, holding him firm, "Chanyeol wouldn't leave you for anything, Baekhyun. Of all people, you should know that."

  
"I wouldn't. I experienced everything first-hand hyung, how can you simply say that?!"

 

Baekhyun's tears have made it. They're pooling out, trailing down his cheeks as his mind tortures him of images of Chanyeol.

 

"He's here, Baekhyun."

 

And his face shoots up another time, staring at the older male.

  
"Chanyeol's here-- There across the street. You just have to make the decision, if you want to see him again or not."

  
The lump on his throat prevents him from saying anything and all he could do was turn his head to look at the small park. Baekhyun could easily make out a red into the distance. Shaking his head out of disbelief, Baekhyun looks at his brother another time, "... But I hurt him."

  
Kris simply smiles at him, and he slowly utters, "He's willing to wait for all eternity."

 

Baekhyun gets out of the vehicle. With his crutches, he crosses the emptied street and his heart burns at the thought of Park Chanyeol being here. Baekhyun would like to go back to the car to be honest, but his heart was yelling for Chanyeol. His heart was yearning for the blazen haired male, the one that he'd for so long have not seen.

 

Baekhyun makes out Chanyeol's frame from a distance.

  
And he doesn't stop his tears because he couldn't really believe what he's seeing right now. Chanyeol had probably sensed him and he comes face to face with the younger. He tries to hold onto his crutches to keep himself from falling down-- He doesn't want to fall. Because if this thing turns bad another time, he was sure that he wouldn't be able to stop Chanyeol at all.

  
"Cha--" He bites his tongue. His knees go weak and Baekhyun does fall.

 

Chanyeol simply watches him, stares at him as if it was all beyond concern in his eyes. How Baekhyun wanted to leave then and there because Chanyeol's seeing him like this.

  
"This is why you couldn't follow me back then." The latter murmurs and Baekhyun doesn't tear his gaze away from Chanyeol. "I'm so stupid to not see this--"  
"I'm sorry." Baekhyun cries out. He cries out because his heart was aching so bad-- It was telling him to ask for forgiveness-- To make Chanyeol take him back. He regrets everything he's told Chanyeol, "I didn't mean it-- Everything." He chokes out, "Everything that I said, Chanyeol!" His head falls down and he simply weeps, letting the memory flood back in. Baekhyun misses how Chanyeol is taking his steps towards him.

  
"I shouldn't have asked you to run after me..." And he takes another step, "You've reached your limit, Baek."

  
Baekhyun takes in a shaky breath, afraid of what it all meant.

 

And he feels himself hoisted up, in the arms of the younger male. And his heart stops at the closeness of their bodies, Chanyeol holding him safe.

  
"You don't have to keep running for me. It's time I met you halfway."

  
Chanyeol looks at him in all kinds of wonders, and Baekhyun remembers how November 27... Chanyeol's birthday, Baekhyun was just in time to be with him. To relive the event that changed him, but this time-- In the hold of the person that he loves.


End file.
